I’m a people pleaser. I like to make others happy. That’s part of why I do this work. And, of course, if you’re an empath you might have the exact same issue as well. And no, people pleasing isn’t all bad of course, it’s what makes a lot of good things happen in the world. But, if you’re striving to keep others happy at the expense of yourself there’s a problem. Anyone that is very sensitive or an empath knows when this becomes an issue because we can usually feel it. However, sometimes this situation might not be so obvious to us – it might be a nagging feeling that just won’t go away or we might feel dissatisfied, resentful or even angry. We might struggle within ourselves – “Even though I feel yucky, this is right because …” And, at times, we feel guilty for even considering not helping out so-and-so. But the little voice in our head (aka The Ego) continues with more justifications as to why we should over extend ourselves and burn ourselves out – “But I have to, they’re counting on me, but I need to take care of this, etc etc”. Does this sound familiar?
It sounds familiar to me because it something that I used to do a lot of. What I’m also talking about is boundaries. People who want to make others happy all the time sometimes have difficulties with boundaries or, they have them, but they’re rather “flexible” let’s say. Now you probably know what I’m already going to say but I think it’s important to say it anyway. You can’t be everything to everyone. When you do that you just get burnt out and angry and you’re really not going to be very much good to anybody and especially not yourself. A lot of sensitives, empaths and even general folks suffer from this because it feels good to help others feel good. Some people like this even have difficulty receiving kindness at all. Yes, I’m talking about you. When you have a hard time accepting compliments, doing nice things for yourself or even just allowing yourself to sit in a chair and relax then you definitely have a problem with boundaries and self-care. I know it’s hard because you like to help and, honestly, sometimes it easier to focus on the needs of others instead of your own. BUT – you need to put yourself on that list. I know as a mom, as a therapist, as a medium I can end up pretty far down on that list- like 475th. And, of course, I don’t usually even make it that far down on my list. But I’ve learned and, especially doing this spiritual work, that you *have* to be on your list. This is part of our lesson here on this earth. You matter. Only you can take care of you.
To that end, you cannot do your work, the work you were put here for, without your own source of light. Whether it be connecting with spirit, teaching or anything else if there’s nothing left for you to give, then you are empty. And empty doesn’t help anyone. It’s not selfish to take care of yourself. Even getting a massage once in a while is not selfish! Spending time alone is not selfish. Taking a vacation (even if you want to take one by yourself!) is not selfish. These things are hard to hear for some of us, but they are true. These activities replenish us and not only is it not selfish, but it’s actually mandatory. What? Did Mari just say it’s mandatory that I get a massage? Well, you know if that’s what you want and that makes you feel replenished, then yes, I am giving you permission to get a massage.
I hope by this time you’re getting my point that it is ok to take care of yourself and do whatever will fill up your cup. And you don’t need anyone’s approval. You are doing this for you. And once you step away and give yourself that much needed, that much required, time to fill up your own tank you’ll see how more relaxed and how much easier it is to do the things you need and want to do. Your steps will be a little bit lighter and your mind a little clearer. And who doesn’t want that? From one ex-people pleaser to a soon to be ex-people pleaser, enjoy your massage.
Author: Mari Cartagenova