This article refers to the common theme of our personal and intimate relationships that we form with others.
In this time of many changes, as individuals are exploring who they truly are, the topic of relationships is an interesting one because of the diversity that we face as souls set themselves free to find their authentic selves.
Relationships are a learning ground and as well as a playground, and the most personal relationships are a major part in our school of life as an experience as a human being. This is where the greatest growth can be achieved, however it is also where the greatest illusion of growth can also be achieved.
The best way to explain this is to look at an example of growth and an example of the illusion of growth.
- TRUE PERSONAL AND SPRITUAL GROWTH
This is achieved when a person who has achieved a strong sense of self awareness, enters a relationship, and therefore is open enough to identify any common patterns that emerge, it may be things such as self-sabotage, insecurity, jealousy, giving too much, or becoming controlling. There are many examples of this.
The key is to look at the self, look at your own responses and reactions, and to identify whether this behaviour is a common thread in your journey, and personal relationships. If you identify your responses as something that you always do, then it is time to go within and to explore the very foundations of where this pattern developed.
An excellent example is that of the narcissist/empath attraction which has been identified as quite common, yet it is more than just that because there are so many variations of both empath and narcissist, and so many unique and individual life experiences, that to put a person in a box like that will not always provide the answers that they seek.
The important thing is that through going within and locating and identifying these patterns within your psyche and subconscious, you can then heal those responses, which clears out the mental, emotional and energetic clutter to allow your light of your soul truth to shine!
When this is accomplished, you may feel that the relationship no longer fits you, or you may even see your partner as they are, and not who you want them to be, or you may see them as exactly who you really want after all!
“With True Personal and Spiritual Growth, the changes come from within you, and not from your reactions to your partner”.
- THE ILLUSION OF GROWTH
Have you ever known someone who seems to change their personality, in response to whomever they are in a relationship with at the time?
Now to be fair we all know that our relationships will have an influence over us, however for an individual who has experienced true growth, you will find that they pretty much remain similar regardless of who they are with. Yes, there will be compromise, and subtle changes, but the person will have established their own boundaries, through their own self-awareness and healthy needs, and will feel a lot more secure in who they are. (If, of course, there is more growth to be had, that person will be continuing the path of seeking inner wisdom and healing).
The difference is in an illusion situation is that you “take on the energy of the other person and subconsciously adapt to that”. This in turn takes you away from yourself, so when the relationship ends, you are left with a hollow feeling inside and then often will pursue another relationship to fill the void.
We all want to be loved, and to feel secure, however whenever you find yourself single, and you continue to feel hollow over time, then another person’s energy will always fill that void, for a while; but it is not a permanent solution. And you will find your patterns repeat themselves.
“Hollow feelings of emptiness are not the same as loneliness, hollow feelings run far deeper than just being alone, and come from a place deep within you, and your life experiences”.
You may have seen people be boisterous in one relationship, yet quieter and demurer in another. People will say “oh that person is just what he/she needed to settle them down”.
Yes, that can be the case, but the point is, is that once boisterous but now demure person being truly authentic, or is the sense of having that void filled feeding a continuing co-dependency pattern? And is that new personality just an act to hide the insecurities that have not been identified and an act to be something that their partner wants?
For example, you often see a person not treat another well in one relationship yet be a puppy dog to their partner in another relationship. How many of you have treated a person so well, but not had it reciprocated, then are heart broken when you see that person go into another relationship, and they treat that person better, and seem to be happy?
The illusion is, in fact, the new dynamic being played out. For example, it may mean that your ex-partner needs a strong person that mimics a mother or father figure, who puts them in their place, so they respond to that, as they would have as a child, and their new partner needs to feel authoritative in order to feel secure, so whilst it appears to be working for them, there, in fact, has been no true growth whatsoever, it is a mere illusion.
Your personal illusion in this instance to be healed, would be to ask yourself why you keep doing this, why you keep being attracted to the same kind of person, and the illusion to be broken through is, for you to not give so much, and to look at why you do. Then you are on a true path of growth, that is far richer than an illusion of a great relationship that your ex has created in order to feel safe and not face their own soul truths.
Becoming trapped into thinking about your ex-partner’s behaviour will keep you stuck in their illusion of which they have managed to cover up by a relationship that seemingly works on the surface but, through a co-dependent dynamic, hides their insecurities.
The way through to the Soul is through balance, so you see an illusion co-dependent relationship is to see it as a set of scales; one aspect is heavier than the other, so the other must give more energy in order to prop things up and create the illusion of balance. A healthy relationship is one where two souls have found most of the balance, within themselves first, as an individual authentic soul and therefore one soul compliments the other. The balance of energy and power is shared, and one is not dominant over the other.
This does not mean that an authentic soul is perfect, it simply means they know who they are, and have accepted all aspects of themselves, even their shadow self, and have found love of the self and wholeness through healing and self-acceptance. And, through that awareness, no longer feel empty or hollow, even without a relationship.
We are all on a path of growth, our patterns teach us what needs attention and healing and what is lacking. Remember, too, to look for the achievement of growth and reward yourself and smile and be happy at how far that you have come!
Author: ©Debra Sinclair Psychic Medium Empath 2021 https://bestamericanpsychics.com/advisor/debra-sinclair